'If we did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.' Thomas Edison









25 February 2011

Self


Since my Mum died I have struggled, not only with her death but with who I became. I wanted to be the person who I was before she died, I struggled for years with that want, always looking back, not just at the loss of my Mum, but at the loss of myself. Coming to the end of last year, and coming to terms with her loss, accepting that loss and looking forwards, I now have to find myself again. The last few days I have been thinking about who I am then yesterday while sorting out my bookshelves I picked up this little book, randomly opened it up and this is what I read.
Call, it odd, or strange, or even slightly freaky, but what a page to open itself on (this is a very thick book!). This morning I had to search for the page because I couldn't find it! Anyway, it seems I have another goal for the year, as well as embracing everything, that is to find myself again. Or maybe it's to accept who I am now? There's lots of things running round this head of mine, including a new found spirituality. I know I'm not religious in a Christian/God sense but a few things speak to me..mainly buddhism and paganism. A lovely lady (you know who you are xx) suggested I just be, just live, listen to my thoughts, that the answers will come from within, so this is what I'm trying to do now.








3 comments:

Dawn said...

Wow, look like the book found you and opened up at just the right point for where you are now, and giving you thought for the path to follow.

I believe spirituality to be seperate from a religious faith personally, I too am not religious but have a spirituality within myself that has elements of buddhism and the nature loving/revering of paganism. I too believe you will find what you are looking for, sometimes you have to just stop and listen to what's inside you, follow the flow.

Have you ever read any Eckhart Tolle books? The Power of Now is about finding spiritual enlightenment and is a lovely read. A New Earth is one of his too and really good. I like to read and re-read Tolle and Deepak Chopra books if I feel things aren't quite right and they help relax my mind again and find my path again.

You will find the Shell you are looking for, and I think she is a wonderful empowering woman ... enjoy your journey.
Dawn xxx

The Barefoot Crofter said...

Hugs Shell - you are there right now and you are beautiful and inspiring. xx

Pippa said...

Sending a big hug to you Shell and agree with Jacqui's comments. I don't think you can ever be who you were before your mum died. The events that happen in our lives are what shape us and make us who we are at any given time. Your mum's passing is bound to have changed you, given that you loved her so deeply, she would have been a big part of your life and although she is always with you in spirit now, it is not the same and requires a deeper connection to yourself to understand that her love hasn't gone and will always be yours to keep.

I'm glad that you have recognised your feelings and have found that book and opened up that paragraph when you needed it the most. xxxxxxx