I attend group bereavement counselling on a Monday evening after being referred by my doctor. I never realised how much I had kept hidden away - mainly about the hospital/nurses/doctors and the actual illness which she had (lung cancer). I always thought of lung cancer as a 'dirty' disease - the government/nhs have a very good way of portraying this with their ads and campaigns against smoking. Well, my Mum probably smoked a year through her entire life (firstly when she finally left my Dad, and secondly when her 2nd marriage broke down as her husband had an affair) so for me to find out that it was lung cancer was a hard thing to accept. The final diagnosis of what was actually wrong with her happened so close to her actual death (6 days) that I don't think any of us had to chance to 'get used' to the reality of the situation. I had a run in with one of the nurses over the standard of care my Mum was receiving so I find that difficult as well.
The course is for 2 hours per week over 8 weeks - I have been to 3. The last 2 weeks I have felt awful for the couple of days following the meeting. I have been thinking about things that I have kept hidden away for the last 3.5 years so you'll forgive me if I take about this over the coming weeks. Hopefully, if I write some of it down it will help me to move forward with the couple of things that I'm still struggling with. Thank you.