'If we did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.' Thomas Edison

10 June 2009

Bereavement counselling

I attend group bereavement counselling on a Monday evening after being referred by my doctor. I never realised how much I had kept hidden away - mainly about the hospital/nurses/doctors and the actual illness which she had (lung cancer). I always thought of lung cancer as a 'dirty' disease - the government/nhs have a very good way of portraying this with their ads and campaigns against smoking. Well, my Mum probably smoked a year through her entire life (firstly when she finally left my Dad, and secondly when her 2nd marriage broke down as her husband had an affair) so for me to find out that it was lung cancer was a hard thing to accept. The final diagnosis of what was actually wrong with her happened so close to her actual death (6 days) that I don't think any of us had to chance to 'get used' to the reality of the situation. I had a run in with one of the nurses over the standard of care my Mum was receiving so I find that difficult as well.

The course is for 2 hours per week over 8 weeks - I have been to 3. The last 2 weeks I have felt awful for the couple of days following the meeting. I have been thinking about things that I have kept hidden away for the last 3.5 years so you'll forgive me if I take about this over the coming weeks. Hopefully, if I write some of it down it will help me to move forward with the couple of things that I'm still struggling with. Thank you.


Becks said...

We're all here for you Shell. In good and bad.
Love and best wishes to you.

Michelle said...

Just wanted to send you a big hug. It's always better to talk than to keep things hidden and pretend there not an issue. There are lots of us who are here for you with whatever you want to talk about either through your blog, Gp forum or if you want to email.

Take care


Elizabeth said...

I think going to the group will help you. Of course the first few weeks will be hard--as you said--a fountain of feelings will be coming from you. Don't repress them--no matter how angry or silly they may feel.

My father died almost ten years ago. It was sudden--possibly a heart attack through the night. I had the 'honour' (felt like a horror at the time) of finding him in the morning. I didn't get any counselling--but had received some hospice training a year or two earlier which helped me immensly. Ten years on I can cry at the very thought of him--and I'm not going to say the pain ever goes away. But it does become something you will be able to live with. I always tell my kids about him (they never met) and in doing that, I feel better.

Always talk your feelings out. Yell, scream and cry whenever you want--you need to heal.

Jacqui said...

Lots of love and hugs for you Shell - I hope the couselling works for you - lots of feelings will come out - things you never imagined would be important - but will be able to deal with them and find a new way forward with good memories of your Mum. xxx

Pippa said...

I agree with what the others say, I think it's good to talk about it, the good bits and the bad bits.

Kimberly Rose Carolan said...

I know that when I went through a grief group after my dad died that I found a lot of healing and learned a lot of things about grief--a whole new world that I didn't know was out there. This led to me writing my book, but, most importantly, it led to healing and realizing more that my loss was significant.

My best,

Kim Carolan
Author of Walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

bohemianmumma said...

Sending lots of hugs hun. I think you're very brave exploring your feelings like that and am full of admiration.
Lots of Love,